…Of Giants, Shorties and Horny Dudes.

“Fe, Fi, Fo,Fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman.” Who can forget those sinister words uttered by the giant in the classic children’s fairytale, “Jack and The Beanstalk.” The tale speaks of the adventures of an English youth who foolishly sells the family cow not for money but for a handful of magic beans and after planting them a beanstalk reaches into the clouds and Jack must square off with a giant that threatens to not only eat the youth but destroy the entire countryside. Thankfully for the English Jack defeats the evil giant and saves the world.

Throughtout history we have seen the idea of the giant come to life time and time again. If you are a religiously minded person and views the bible as the last word of wisdom you are well familiar with the story of the days of Noah. In the book of Genesis God commissions Noah, a simple farmer to build a giant ark because God plans to drown the world and only Noah and his family are the only people righteous enough to survive the great deluge. Now, Why would God do something like that? Earlier the biblical account tells us that in the days of Noah the fallen angels mated with human women and a race of grotesque giants were born or the Nephilim as they were called. Some view the story as a cauntionary tale against men gaining to much power and becoming giants of wisdom who do not need to look to God for wisdom. That is of course until you get further into the old Testement and giants are referred to again.

Joshua sends his scouts into a the land that was promised to them by the lord and when they return they are terrified to report that the country is inhabited by men of great stature and Joshua’s scouts were like grasshoppers to them. And of course everyone knows that David, future king of Israel brought down Goliath of a Gath a Philistine soldier who some say stood at a whopping nine feet tall. The majority of westerners now these tales and have heard them over and over again. However the one historical fact that most people are not aware of that over the last century and half amazing discoveries have been made that just may prove that giants did in fact roam the earth.

In 1888, in Clearwater, Minnesota archeologists made an amazing discovery that would knock the theory of evolution on it’s learned ass. While excavating a burial mound researchers discovered a group of skeletons sitting in a circle in a burial chamber, sounds innocent enough, but the skeletons proved to be well over eight feet tall. Upon closer examination the researchers discovered something so odd that the discovery would make any dentist giggle like an Anime schoolgirl. The skeletons possessed double rows of sharp dagger like teeth on the upper and lower gums. The researchers at first thought that this must be some ancient cultures attempts at dentistry possibly to make these excessively tall warriors all the more fierce looking. a few weeks after the find a dentist was brought in to take a closer look at the teeth and shocked the archeologists when he declared that the teeth were naturally occuring in other words these guys, whoever they may be, were born this way. Whoever these guys were and whatever ancient culture they belonged could not have been human in the strictest definition of the word.

A few years after the amazing discovery of the gruesome skeletons in Minnesota the scientific journal, “Nature” printed a story in it’s December 1891 Issue. The journal wrote of the discovery of a skeleton of gigantic proportions unearthed in a burial mound in northern Ohio. The skeleton, which stood in excess of nine feet was covered in what looked like a suit of copper body armor. The skeleton was also in possession of a giant sword that took five men to handle and a pair of deer antlers were grafted to the skeleton’s skull. After discovery of the fierce skeleton the Native American population was questioned concerning the strange skeleton and they came up blank no where in their legends could they find reference to giants. The tribes in the area did say that when the white man first came to their land they discovered a rich copper mine that looked as if it had been prospected many years before. The Natives also said that their people have never had a need for copper.

At the begining of the last century in 1911, some miners were digging out a tunnel, in New Mexico, when they broke through a wall of rock and found themselves in a strange burial chamber. In the middle of the burial chamber they discovered the skeleton of a man who stood somewhere in the ballpark of seven feet tall with long flowing red hair still attached to it’s long dead remains. When the local Paiute tribe got wind of the discovery they demanded that the burial chamber be sealed shut and they would not take no for an answer. When they were asked what they were afraid of they told a tribal legend of the Si-Te-Cahs which translated from their language means the Ancient Enemy. The tribal council told the miners that the Si-Te-Cahs, were a race of red haired giants that attacked the local tribes killing many and carrying women away for mating. For many years the local tribes felt that they were powerless until they banded together and defeated this Ancient Enemy. The mine had to be closed down otherwise the evil spirit of the Si-Te-Cahs would be released and would prove to be unstoppable. The Miners did as they were asked and the red haired giant skeleton was once again sealed behind a wall of rock for all eternity.

Skeletons of gigantic and terrifying proportions have not been the strange remains that have been found over the years in the continental United States. Some of the skeletons have proved to of a much shorter stature. In October of 1932, workers happened upon a strange mummy as they worked on a rich deposit of bat guano in the San Pedro Mountains. What they found was truly strange, sitting in a cross legged position on a pedestal was the mummy of a man but not just any man the mummy was a mere fourteen inches tall. The laborers felt they had made an amazing discovery and removed the little man from his tomb.

After showing the petite mummy to their boss, the big boss man called a friend who was an Anthropologist for the American museum of History. Doctor Shapiro, although skeptical told his friend that he would arrive as soon as he could he reassured his friend that what he had was the mummified remains of an infant who died at birth and was probably royalty which would explain the odd method of burial. When Dr. Shapiro arrived he immediately went about the task of inspecting the tiny mummy and made some astounding discoveries. Pedro, which the mummy was named, proved not to be the remains of a mummified infant but rather the mummy of a fully developed man of approximately sixty-five years of age.

After having, Pedro, x-rayed Dr. Shapiro’s suspicions became rock solid. The cranium was fully developed with no gaps that would be found in a small child or an adolescent. The mummy had pubic hair and it seemed to have at one time suffered a dibilitating back injury. Shapiro, also discovered that, Pedro was more than likely murdered by his kinsman, probably due to his crippling back injury, with a blow to the back of the head with a blunt object possibly a rock. Today, Pedro, after making the rounds in the carnival circuit, sits in the private collection of a wealthy collector of all things strange in California.

If giants and little dudes are not enough weirdness for you, try this one on for size. In the late 1800s in Sayre, Pennsylvania some workers dug up the seven foot remains of a skeleton. The skeleton, despite it’s unusual size, looked as human as you or I except for the large horns that did not appear to have grafted onto the skeleton by all appearances the horns were a natural feature of the skull. Mainstream scientific researchers have written this horny skull off as a genetic anomoly saying the man probably suffered from some kind of condition that caused calcium deposits to grow on his skull in the form of horns. Seems plausible, however, numerous skulls have been found all over the world with this same rare genetic anomoly. At the time the religious community said that the remains were that of a demon and proof that the minions of the wicked one roam the earth looking for souls to possess. I thought demons were immortal and unable to die. Oh well I could be wrong.

Whether you subscribe to evolution or intelligent design that is your business and I am not here to convince you of which theory is correct however one can not deny the fact that these strange remains have been discovered, documented and unfortunately filed away in the basements of the nations museums. Why are these skeletons not on display for the entire world to see? That question is easily answered archeologists and anthropologists are afraid. These researchers are paid large sums of money to keep up the staus quo and these remains would force them to rethink the whole question of, where did we all come from. Textbooks would have to be rewritten to make room for these strange creatures that appear human but might not be human. Like I said earlier, hey I could be wrong.

Rick E. Hale
t_seeker@hotmail.com