The Weird, Wild, Wacky World of Cryptozoology: Let’s Get A Round Of Applause For The Pangboche Hand.

I have a little bit of trivia for you What do a millionaire Texas oil man with a cool name, an iconic American actor and the alleged mummified hand of a Yeti all have in common (Play Jeopardy Music now)? Give up? Perhaps the greatest conspiracy to prove the existense of the fabled Abominable Snowman as well as the greatest comedy of errors in the history of the serious study of previously unkown and undiscovered creatures. Allow me to explain.

In 1957, Texas oil man, business man and adventurer extrodanaire, Tom Slick, first heard of the alleged mummified hand of a Yeti hidden away in the Buddhist monanstery of Pangboche, Nepal where for centuries it had been worshipped as as a holy relic by the monks. For years Slick, had been leading expeditions into the world’s largest mountain range, the Himalayas, in a grand search for that most elusive of cryptozoological mysteries, a creature that we had come to know here in the the west as the Abominable Snowman but the citizens who lived and worked along the foothills of the Himalayas knew as the Yeti. Of course Slick, came up short every time never able to find anything more than just footprints which really proved nothing, to the skeptics of the world foot prints in the snow meant nothing, but a known animal that could have left them and the melting and refreezing of the snow made them appear to be something they were not. But the hand of a Yeti, although mummified, could finally be the proof that Tom Slick so desperately sought and he would do anything to have.

In 1958, Tom Slick and his associates paid their first visit to the monastery of Pangboche and immediately inquired of this hand that could possibly prove the existense of a creature that had eluded science for decades. The monks had absolutely no problem showing the gentleman millionaire and his associates the object of their affection, worship and deep devotion afterall they probably figured this was just some guy who wanted to pay his respects. When Slick was brought into the sanctuary of the hand he knew immediately that this was the real deal, the hand of a Yeti. The hand was really nothing more than a few scraps skin and hair hanging precariously to a skeleton. However the hand was twice the size of a normal human man and certainly did appear to be something beyond the ordinary. When Tom Slick, asked the monks if he could take the hand from the monastery for scientific study the monks became enraged and told the adventurer that he and his crew must leave immediately and never return. The hand was the center of their veneration and must never be removed otherwise their small society of holy men would come to ruin. At first Slick and his associates obeyed the demands of the Pangboche monks, however as they were leaving Tom Slick hatched a plan to at least bring a few pieces of the hand back to the west, a plan that would make cryptozoologists the world over look like a bunch of shady characters.

In 1959, Tom Slick, dispatched his close friend and associate, Peter Byrne to the Pangboche monastery not to inquire again if Slick could have the hand to prove to the world that such a creature existed and called one the most isolated regions of the world home. Nope, Slick had a more sinister goal in mind, Slick asked his associate to steal a few bone fragments from the hand without the monks none the wiser. I kind of wonder how it went down. Was it something as elaborate as let’s say Tom Cruise dangling from a rope in Mission Impossible? Highly Unlikely, basically Byrne waited for everyone to be asleep, slipped in, stole a few fragments of bone from the hand and replaced them with the bones from the hand of a mundane human and slipped out. The kindly peaceful monks of Pangboche, Nepal had no clue what so ever that the object of their worship had been so sacriligiously tampered with.

Enter iconic American actor Jimmy Stewart. Byrne was successful in smuggling the bones of the alleged Yeti hand across the borber into India now all they had to do was make it to the good Old U S of A. Slick called upon his close friend and Yeti enthusiast, Jimmy Stewart, to meet his buddy Byrne in India and transport what Slick believed to be the greatest scientific find in history into the west. Jimmy had no problem and borded a plane with the mortal remains of a mystery hidden away in his luggage. And folks are worried about bombs and drugs. After this things get, well how should I say this, pardon my French a little fucked up.

In 1960, the great mountaineer Sir Edmund Hillary and naturalist Marlin Perkins made the trip to the Monastery of Pangboche, Nepal not to prove the story that the hand belonged to a Yeti but rather disprove it. Upon inspection of the hand Sir Edmund discovered that several bones were actually attached with string and wire and did not appear to fit with the general make up of the hand, the British Lord immediately announced to the world that the Pangboche Hand, the supposed mummified remains of the hand of a Yeti was a hoax and a fraud. Slick never even had the chance to begin his scientific study of the bones that he and his associates had so crudely acquired, no one would believe them anyway not only had they committed a crime that crossed international borders, who would take their word over the word of Sir Edmund Hillary, the mighty conqueror of Everest.

For a little over thirty years the Pangboche had was considered a fraud despite the efforts of Cryptozoologist Loren Coleman, who became aware of the plot to steal the hand from reading the archives as he prepared the biography of Tom Slick in 1989. Unfortunately the whole affair cast a dubious light on the Texas millionaire and champion of large hairy creatures the world over. However in 1991, Tom Slick would finally be justified when the NBC television program “Unsolved Mysteries” received samples of the stolen bits of the Pangboche hand and shocked the world with it’s analysis. DNA testing was still in in it’s infancy but was quickly becoming an excat science when the bones were analyzed. The testing showed that the tissue of the hand was “Near human” and did not match any primate known to mankind. I’m sure if Hillary and Slick were floating around in the after life Slick turned to Hillary and let out a triumphant, Boo-yah, in your face mother trucker. Just a theory.

I recently heard that Twentieth Century Fox was thinking about making a movie about the whole Pangboche Hand debacle, casting Nicholas Cage as Tom Slick however instead of taking the subject seriously it would be a comedy. I don’t know I think I’ll go and see it. Anyways, the DNA testing and results done by Unsolved mysteries proves to me that the their is truth to the Pangboche hand having once belonged to the fabled Yeti. It has been believed for years that Bigfoot, Yeti and other hirsute denizens of the world’s forests and mountain ranges are perhaps relict populations of the ancient more ape-like ancestors of modern man. The results said the bone fragments were, “Near Human” which to me proves that maybe just maybe the elusive monkey man still walks among us.

Rick E. Hale
t_seeker@hotmail.com
myspace.com/bldrdsun