The Weird, Wild, Wacky World of Crytpzoology:Behold, The Iceman Cometh.

I’m a pretty easy going guy and hate is not a word that usually makes an appearance in my vocabulary, however if there is one thing that makes my blood boil, the one thing that I truly hate is the faking or hoaxing of evidence pertaining to claims of the paranormal. Outright hoaxes have always been a thorn in the side of those who take the study of the paranormal seriously and seek to prove the existense of the otherworldly through scientific methods. Since the early days of photography hoaxing has been there with hucksters attempting to make a quick buck on the backs of the bereaved by claiming to have the ability to capture the apparitions of the dearly departed as the unsuspecting victim sat for their portrait. Cryptozoology is no different folks have done everything from creating finely crafted monkey suits to wooden models of lake monsters and photographing both trying to pass them off as the real McCoy. Recently a couple of Joe Six Packs from Georgia claimed to have the dead body of a Bigfoot, unfortunately this turned out to be the biggest cryptozoological hoax of the last forty years. In case you are new to my entries I will repeat what my personal philosophy is concerning hoaxes, those who fake and hoax evidence are douchebags.

In 1967, an exhibit began making the rounds of carnivals and malls that made an amazing claim. The exhibitor, Frank Hansen stood atop a podium outside his exhibit and yelled, “Come one, come all see the amazing corpse of a wildman encased in ice.” Usually something like this would immediately be seen as a hoax however the strange case of the Minnesota Iceman which appeared to be the dead body of a bigfoot like creature encased in a block of ice, may have been totally and completely legite. Although Mr. Hansen felt he could make a quick buck.

The creature first came to the attention of researchers when a zoology student from the UNiversity of Minnesota plucked down his two bits to see this ancient wonder. When the curtain was pulled back and the iceman was revealed the student came to the conclusion that whatever this thing may be it appeared to be the real deal and immediate attention was required. When the student returned from the carnival he contacted the gentleman who would come to be known as the father of modern Cryptozoology, French cryptozoologist Bernard Heuvelmans. The student explained to Heuvelmans that he had seen a sight that needed to be investigated because it just may prove that hairy bipeds still walk among mankind. Of course the famed researcher was ecstatic at the prospect of having the oppurtunity of examining such a creature upclose and personal.

In 1968 Heuvelmans and his colleague Scottish zoologist, Ivan T. Sanderson first viewed the creature at the Chicago Stock Fair and just knew that they had to do whatever it took to get a closer look at this alleged iced over throwback to an ancient epoch. Bernard and Ivan, made contact with the exhibitor, Frank Hansen asking to take a look at the creature. At first, Hansen was reluctant stating that he was not the owner of the exhibit, Hansen explained that the owner of the iceman was a mysterious wealthy collector that may not take kindly to a couple of scientists trying to disprove the truth of the amazing discovery. The two researchers assured Hansen that they wanted to prove that the iceman was legitimate and show the world that such things do in fact exist and call our world home. Hansen relented and the investigation began.

For three days the researchers examined the iceman closely taking copious notes and hundreds of photographs. In his personal notes, Heuvelmans stated that he and Sanderson could smell putrification from the few spots where the flesh was exposed. In his notes Heuvelmans described the creature as, “Being a hairy bipedal man of no more than six feet tall. His body was covered with a short coat of dark hair approxiamately three to four inches long. The creatures left arm is raised above the head and a deep gash was visible between the elbow and the wrist. It also appears that the right eye of the creature was damaged due to it being dislodged from the socket and hanging over it’s cheek. The penis is clearly visible. I am convinced that this creature is real.” Sanderson agreed with his colleague’s finding so much that while as a guest on Johnny Carson’s “Tonight Show” during Christmas week of 1968, Sanderson told Johnny of the incredible find and that it constituted an otherwise unknown creature to modern science.

However despite all the efforts of Heuvelmans and Sanderson to legitimize the Minnesota Iceman and bring public attention to it the creature disappeared in the early months of 1969. For months the creature seemed to take a hiatus from the carnival circuit. By the time the creature reappeared, John Napier the chief primotologist of the Smithsonian Institute became involved with the investigation of the Iceman. After much questioning, Frank Hansen claimed that the block of ice that contained the creature melted after a mishap with the refrigeration unit and subsequently the creature decayed to the point that it was buried in an unmarked grave somewhere in Minnesota the creature that was now being shown was nothing more than a mere model. Due to this unfortunate turn of events, Napier and his bosses at the Smithsonian lost interest and declared the whole affair to be an elaborate hoax especially after several Hollywood special effects designers came forth and claimed they had created the creature. Heuvelmans and Sanderson cried foul stating emphatically that the creature they inspected was real and it was impossible to fake the smell of decaying flesh. Sadly, at this point, no one would listen it was believed that the Minnesota Iceman was a hoax perpetrated by a few creative people who saw only dollar signs.

Bernard Heuvelmans would go to his deathbed claiming that the creature he and Sanderson examined was a real specimen of a recently deceased bigfoot type creature he even had a theory as to how the creature came to be in this country. He believed that the creature was a relict Neandertal that was captured and eventually killed by hunters sometime during the Vietnam war. He further believed after the hunters discovered what they had killed they smuggled the creature into the country in a body bag and the mysterious millionaire had the creature froze and put on display. Most researchers reject this theory and believe that whatever the creature may have been was a relict Homo Erectus smuggled into the country from Africa. Whatever the case the mainstream scientific community believes that the Minnesota Iceman was an elaborate hoax. I repectfully disagree.

Rick E. Hale
t_seeker@hotmail.com